We ended up eating at T&T and the food we ate was pretty good. We had fried fish, shrimp (tempura) and fried chicken plus black bean sauce on pork. Yea super fatting but I could care less, it tasted so good!

After a while, my dad called. It was not a great call at all. He lost his job. AGAIN. I can't believe he is slightly surprised. Before he went back to China I had told and begged him to stay in Canada for his sake. But he won't listen to me because whatever fake reality China had created for him was stronger then my voice. I told him to stop this stupid and retarded lifestyle of his. he is going to be 50 soon. He needs to settle down and focus on himself, stay at a stable company and just do his job. He didn't listen, he went back and probably blew thousands of dollars on gold diggers and pretended to be someone that he could not pull off. In the end he lost his job, yet again.

Not that I don't want him to come back to Canada but if comes back to Calgary, my mom is going to be irritated. After all, he ditched her for trash and not to mention he was out of his world cruel towards her during their divorce. Part of me will never forgive him for what he has done, he completely destroyed this family. He had it all, a wonderful wife (who nagged a bit too much) and a great daughter (if I say so myself). He chucked away what might have been other man's dream family. Now he has nothing. I pity him really, he is an epic fail as a man, a husband, a father and even as a son (all the time in China, he has never went to visit his mother who had a stroke!). Instead of him guiding me, I ended up having to grow up and guide him. Yet I am somewhat thankful, I am strong and mature at a early age which would aid me eventually in life. It also taught me that you can't lean on a man for anything be it love or money. You have to work for a relationship and before a I do, you need to be independent, strong and standing tall. You need to have respect in your partner's eye and if you don't, you show him the door.

When he comes back, I hope he would finally get his brain out of all that shit and finally realize what he needs to do. Grade 12 is starting soon, this is where the first steps of my adult life begins and I plan on being the best that I can. I wanna rock my own world. My father has been failure as father IMO, never has he given me advice (other then make money, save money and how important money money money is!) or has he shown me real fatherly love. I can say and he even admits he loves money more then anything. Gawd, how sad. But somehow, in a way his horrid acts as a father taught me things that I would have to learn the hard way.

My mom is also going to apply for a college program! I really hope things turn out! I am rooting in my heart for you mom! I hope she can leave behind her survivor job and finally get the respect and job she deserves!! Please let things work perfectly!

Alright sleeeeep time.

In 2 weeks I'll be in grade 12 and after that Uni, and after that med school/nurse/pharmacy? I feel like I have my whole life planned out or story boarded but at the same times it so uncertain. Sometimes I plan for something to be so great or to go a certain way but its never the case.

It annoys me so, I planned for my perfect life with independence, headstrong, will and doing whatever I please. Then, a part of me say you just might end up as a beloved pet of some guy who keeps you caged in the house and you'll be perfectly happy that way. I don't want to end up wasting my life doing nothing - yet here I am wasting it.

I wanna do something great, something with legacy, something that will make me immortal (not actually). I wanna help people, I wanna make a difference in someone's life.

But when I see myself and the whole universe, I'm pretty small. Makes you wander exactly how far "love" can go. Eh, what am I blabbing, maybe I need sleep.