The amazing topic: Religion. Wow. I know.

I know, I know, I know I am the only person on earth who wants to stay on earth forever and ever. Not even heaven tempts me, yea thats right! LOL Yea I still believe my theories about how after we die we turn into ailens and move to other universe blah blah blah. I can go on about that all day. But even I, who deny religion most of the time need it. Yea, I need it too. I need somebody to make feel at least a bit sane whether its god, budda, the holy mother, zeus and so on. At least you can yell and scream at them and they just kinda of listen and say nothing. But it helps ♥ Doesn't matter if they understood what the heck I was talking about. Bottom line, I think religion is a guidance for the bettering of ourselves and our lives. Lets admit it, we are not all going to heaven ok? You are not part of 0.0000005% that does annually. (might not be the exact numbers..)

Its annoying when people use religion as an excuse in life. They are giving money to the poor because it makes god happy and therefore you go to heaven? They help that poor puppy because what goes around comes back around. You don't fuck other people and stay true to your spouse because god told you to. Right. But.. what about doing it because.. you do? Not expecting to go to heaven? Not expecting god to give you bliss? Not expecting for the rest of your life to be perfect because god is there. Guess what? Most of the time he isn't, he might be there to guide you but he won't zap a billion dollars into your account so you can move out of the humane shelter. Nor will they tell you, [Name] you are gonna go to heaven good job. Eh, if god, budda, zeus, Ra, heavenly figures, etc are good judges (I reckon they are..) they won't zap people to heaven who expect to go to heaven for deeds. Attending mass every single day for a 100 times won't make you a better person unless you actually understand
what they teach you. Nor will punching someone from a different religion sent you to heaven, it actually brings you closer to hell.

If you gave without expecting anything back and not get anything back but still
willing, maybe instead of doing what pope told you to do, listen to what you believe is right and maybe stop asking god to save your sad life because he won't. If he had to answer to 6 billion prayers everyday, he is probably a bit fed up. If you attend mass once every 10 years but out of that 1 mass you attended you understood what they taught you, interpeted and set peace and goodness to yourself its better then someone who attended mass everyday 10 times but undertsood nothing.

Good people don't go to heaven, good people stay on earth to spread the goodness and convert bad people to good. Good people are not blessed because life be pointless if there is not hill to climb. Good people are not always happy because you can't be happy without knowing sadness and good people don't ask god for anything, instead they give god [or your own heaven figure] the pride to bless this creations. Lastly, good people are people who creates heaven on earth but do it because they can. ♥

I don't ask to go to heaven, truely, I wish to stay on earth, because heaven is just a bunch of clouds upon in the sky with no shade and you get sunburned easily. ♥

Nights =3

Still so pissed of at my dad, he is still a huge jackass. He didn't even say sorry when he disowned me on the phone. Whatever, I don't need you anyways, I'll change my name to Zhang which is my moms after University if I don't marry. lol
Yea I know you probably like WTF? Your marrying after Uni? Well if the right guy is there and if I have a reliable job. Yes, I am getting married. I don't like the concept of marrying old. Like seriously.... like if you are old, you have to have babies right away and etc. Why miss all the fun with hubby right? ^_- .. NO that kind of fun, more like travelling. hehe. Yea yea disagree if you want.

I have the new BoA song stuck in my head, like seriously ahhhh. Ok, tomorrow is a academic day. Damn. I really don't wanna go to school.. ahhh. I have my phyics soon too.. AHHHHH. SCARED. FREAKED. Damn. Anyways next year I might go to Collingwood or this school in Calgary. I don't know yet. Collingwood is a top school so I hope it will good, I am gonna do homestay next year. I better get a good homestay! I wanna visit North Vancouver and the hood. Wooot. It would be scary since people get shot and raped there but.. I'll have someone with me and I'll be ok. It would be fun to see street racing and go to clubs. ^..^ PLUS GOOD FOOD! wooooot! :D

I really hope father, you will learn this lesson before its too late. I wish you loved me but I guess you can't choose your parents. You love gold and money more then you love anything or anyone. I am sorry if I eat, need a place to sleep and drink water because that all cost money and you hate the fact that you have to care for a unwanted child of your ex-wife. You might want to disown me but the law is clear, I am your burden till university. When that times comes, I'll part from you and I won't mention or bother you again. I'll just tell everyone my father died the day I was born. I just hope the 30 your old babe you chose will care and tend for you when you are too weak to even speak because I won't.

If I ever have a child, may god have mercy and keep your horrible infuence at bay. I am not even mad, I am just sad, disppointed and ashamed at the same time. You spend big bucks on cars, clothe, hookers and big shiny toys that cost thousands a month but you can't even buy me a 20 dollar earphone because its "expensive". You won't let me go back to calgary because you have to pay for my living so you are sending me to some boarding school so your company pays everything. You won't spend 10 min talking me to but spend hours on MSN talking to girls 3 times younger then you.

Heavens have eyes father and I hope they have mercy on your sinful soul. But the world is fair for your sins have no altered me in anyway.

All the jewels in the world can't buy you love and care, nor can they buy you a loving family but you were stupid. You threw real gold out.

I have made my mind up, I am changing my last name once I finish university.

Off to bed, Night world, earth, universe..

Oh man, the song "Don't Trust Me" by 3oh!3 is like really really stuck in my head and I feel.. woo woo. LOL For reason I keep hearing the lyrics as "Don't trust a ho"..lol its just probably me. I am suppose to be studying for History but instead ended up chatting with Rylee, Becky and Henry on MSN. I also ended up listening to music, playing on my PSP.. and I could have went to get bubble tea but... too lazy. lol Ok I should really study but now I am blogging, so failing. -_-;

Man, I really miss Calgary. After realizing how little I do at smus other then study. In calgary my friends go shopping and swimming afterschool, they even go to themeparks. ;_; Then they do they're homework and then watch movies, take their pets for walks or go out and hang out until dark before returning home. How boring is smus and victoria. No giant good shopping malls, fun places to hang, overcrowded with people, no tv (someone is watching it), no PSP and no dog walks with besties. Boo. Can't wait till I get out of boarding! :) My cousin Linda is waiting in China for me and I can't wait to chill and hang with her! I wanna go to Calgary but FSJ to visit friends too! Maaan I wanna go anywhere other then Victoria, its so slow.. and.. old here! URG!

Ok I'l stop renting for once and study! Please god let me get a good mark tomororow. Please. *prays*

p.s. if you went to the lib Ninnart... forgot.. sorry. *cough*

There is also other really fun games but I totally love Loco Roco ♥ I am want ot study for Physics later, after I read over History. I still some Math stuff since I forgot to get it on Friday. No idea why, must be the jetlag. I miss my dog a lot, I hope is doing great. I can't wait to get other puppy when I go back for the summer, determined to get one. :D I am gonna her Honey or him Teddy! Thinking about a purebred Papillion or mix.

Tomorrow I have frickin Gym first, do not wanna think about the horrid gym classes at all! :( Uck, some many tests and projects. I am already getting overly annoyed. :(

HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked, "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured, "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said, "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

If it makes you teary, pass it on for the sake of animals put down every year ~

So we are here, in Vic, bored as hell and super tried. I have jetlag and I refuse to go planning and PE. They can say or do anything but I am just too sleepy, infact I am going back to sleep RIGHT NOW... nights. I'll go to third period ok? I think. I am still trying to remind myself I am in highschool and not JH but gets harder everytime I try. I think I'm high today, must had one'em cookies.

EDIT
I tried to eat at brownhall but it people where packed like ants in a ant hill. The food was disgusting like always so I tried bring back a sandwich but the roast beef had bronze color-ish shiny stuff on it. o_o I realize I am back in hell again. Does it help that mommy is here? No because you can't leave frickin boarding. Like seriously, this is a bad joke right? I can't frickin leave boarding to go live with my mother. No, my mom came all the way back from China to be with me and they give me a no. Right, I am talking to Mrs.murtland and then, I'll talk to Mrs.Zapantis and THEN I'll talk to Mr.Snowden if all else fails.

Oh and I think Ninnart placed a stack of DVDs in my room of CSI, a welcome back gift or your just lazy to return them yourself? -.-'

I'll stay here for tonight but for next week I am going to be with my mother. :) Don't care if school gets mad, they can kick me out if they want.

Tonight is my last night in beijing before I go back to Victoria. I am so sad, I already miss home so much man! I bought some stuff in Beijing including a Juicy Bag, don't know if its really juciy, cost $300RMB? Its pink and brown, kinda of cute.

I really want to know how me fish, Taffy is doing. But I wish I can stay in China forever and ever. Everyone is so fun and loving, especially my family which I am thankful of. But I do wanna get this school year over so I can go back to Calgary and be with my funny friends again! No offense but everyone is like... boring at smus. So yep yep yep. I realize how annoying smus is too, especially boarding and lets not mention brown hall ok??

Well mom is coming with me so weekends will be lots of fun, beaches, shopping and good food. Mom can acompany me for dog walking or cats at the SPCA and do good things with kitties. I love kitties a lot ^_^

I am also also launching a online store, which sells stationary and random accessarious! It will be a fun project and will be quite the experience. I looked around for stores like this and there is none, I'll sell cute, beautiful little pens and etc imported from China and Japan that are good quality and cheap. :) It will be fun. The store is called Clovershopi, and will be http://www.clovershopi.com! I'll want the site running around August and able to recieve orders in September of 2009. =)

p.s. do you like the new dark layout?